Yesterday was a day to test my strength, not physically but emotionally. It was a day that my dad needed me to be with him through his fear of possible death. Someone to hold him and say that it would be ok and that he is loved.
My dad is 80 years old (81 in August), and has had many surgeries in the past two years, such as back, two hips, bypass and valve of the heart and two carotid artery surgeries. His second carotid artery surgery was this past Wednesday. All seemed fine after surgery but during his planned one-night stay, his blood pressure dropped and he went into A-fib(irregular heart rhythm). They gave him lots of fluids and medicines and he did very well. In fact, he still thinks that the machine was faulty and he really had no problems. He can not figure out why they were waking him through the night. The nurse told him the machine was brand new, and in fact they just got it the day before. My dad's comment to her was that he had bought light bulbs that did not work. We all know that is the truth. But in deed he was having a problem. They let him come home Friday, just two days after surgery. Saturday I spoke to him in the morning and he claimed to be very tired. I thought that would be understandable with just having surgery. But by the afternoon, he was having labored breathing and his blood pressure was 200/ 90 or so. Not good. By 2:30 in the afternoon, I told him I wanted to call 911 and get help. He did not argue with me (I was ready for it though). He said as the ambulance drove away he thought it was the last time he would see his home. The people of the ambulance service were wonderful to him. He was brought to the hospital and they gave him medicines and tests. Tests were all fine. With the medicines, the fluids came out of his body that were causing his breathing difficulties and with that his blood pressure came down. When I left him, (they decided to monitor him during the night) he was comfortable and relaxed again.
I watched my dad today, go from scared for his life to making plans for when he gets out. He told me, he has lots to do and he is not ready to join my mom yet. I was so happy for him and for me.
It is so hard to watch a parent go through these challenges in life. Life truly is a journey and my job as my father's child, is to help him get through these tough years. To be patient and caring and to hold his hand when needed, as he held me through all my younger years.
My dad has always been the strong one, caring for everyone, and he hates being a burden. It is difficult at times for me to balance giving him freedom and caring. Thank God for cell phones so I can know he can call when he needs me, but is free to carry on his life without me checking in on him every moment. Love is caring but love is also knowing when to back off and let them do their own thing.
